Sunday Night/Monday Morning

First, some cool things:

1. At Callie's wedding (most radiant, happy bride ever!) this weekend, I learned a lot of people, including people I never imagined, are reading my blog (hi! thanks!). Keep it up, pass it on and become followers (I think there is a link to the right), because then it just looks cooler AND I can become ad supported, which, you know, is good. No pressure, though - neither my mother nor boyfriend are followers.



2. I did my taxes last night and I am getting a refund large enough to support me for a month! Well, perhaps support is a strong word. It's enough to keep me afloat. Well, afloat provided I don't really leave the house or make any purchases besides shampoo, bread and water.
   

Anyway, on to today's topic...wait...

You know what just happened? Literally as I typed this, I had a call on my phone, just numbers, not a saved contact, and my heart began to flutter! "This is it," I thought. "Suburban company #1 is calling for a second round interview!" I answer excitedly (professional sounding, but with a smile in my voice): "This is Melissa..." The response: "Oh, wrong number." Click. There's an air ball for you. My bracket is shot, by the way; I don't know why I always put Xavier in my final four. Grr. But, I digress.

So I try to remain positive at all times and I am successfully proactive most of the time, but there is something about Sunday nights and Monday mornings. I think it's pretty similar to what people who have to go to work feel; that mild sadness the weekend is over, a touch of anxiety about a project running behind schedule, and the smallest bit of dread for the alarm sounding at 5:30 a.m.

Well, I get that too. But it's because I have no job to go to. I feel a mild sadness that I am not an actively contributing member of society. I get more than a touch of anxiety over my future and all its potential paths (or breakdowns). I feel a ton of dread over doing math problems or receiving a call saying "Thanks, but no thanks." Sometimes it all feels very heavy. Yesterday afternoon, even after a very productive morning, I felt nearly paralyzed. I think I know where is came from, but that was irrelevant. Action is the only way out of that slump.

So, I kicked my ass off the couch, slapped myself around a bit. Pity parties and anxiety attacks really aren't going to land me a job or admission to grad school. Went for a workout to burn off the negativity, ate a healthy broccoli snack to fuel my mind and headed to the library (oh, there are some CHARACTERS there...but I'll save that for another time), and took a practice GMAT. My scores creep upward. Seriously, creep.

Unemployment is like a dysfunctional relationship. Or a March Madness game. Highs and lows. It's easy to get comfortable being lazy or feeling like a victim, but that's not what will pull you out of the stink.

Red Pen Evolution

You know what just made my day? Well, aside from the fact it is Callie & Chad's wedding weekend and I won't be thinking about jobs, GMATs or unemployment. I just realized the same person who used to red pen my work within an inch of its life is following my blog. (Hi!)

Now, granted, I am certain with every typo and misused idiom he sees on these pages his eyes roll and he nervously clicks his red pen, only to realize he can't write on the screen, but, for some reason, it just feels good. Clearly, writing corporate documents and blogging are worlds apart, but I'm all about the transferable skills these days. Internal Comm? External Comm? To-MATE-o, To-MAT-o.

Okay, off to be pampered and coiffed for the next 48 hours. A huge congratulations to my darling and dear friend Callie and her gorgeous groom Chad. And thanks for reading, E!

Trader Joe's or Bust

I think from here on out (or, after lay off [ALO] until new employment) I am only grocery shopping at Trader Joe's. Humus for $1.79? What a deal. I guess that would not help the sales of my former company (well-respected CPG), but hey, those guys are still making money. I am not.

Money is something that is top-of-mind lately. Though I am not poor yet (thanks for the severance!), in the back of my mind there is this pesky ticking clock that keeps track of how much longer I have an income. Pair that with tax season (praying for a refund) and IRA contribution time (how am I going to do that!?!) and I think about money much for than I like.

When I was first laid off, I set aside my hurt (yea, I'm a girl, and getting laid off was emotional - I cried, okay?), and replaced it with shiny, shiny optimism that an offer would be on the table in a month's time. Well, that month is shortly expiring and I have only been on first round interviews. Though I would like to think I am dazzling enough to procure an offer after a single meeting, I am still a realist.

Everyone has been so lovely - taking me out for meals or letting me not pick up a round of drinks - for that I am grateful, although a bit, hm, perhaps shy is the word? But, it's ridiculous to keep that up, so I am brainstorming ways to cut back. Thus, Trader Joe's. And, shopping at Treasure Island is worth a go because you can make a lunch out of the samples they have. Yep, me and smelly schitzo Sam make the rounds.

All sarcasm aside, I am blessed to have a great severance package, unemployment benefits and people around me who are kind and pick up the tab now and then. But, I'd much prefer to be making money; although ,if I resort to plan "b" (no, not that trendy bar in Bucktown or the morning after pill, you silly rascals) and go to grad school full time, I think I will have to get quite used to having a hole in the dyke so to speak.

And the good news: had an interview yesterday for a position in academia. I am optimistic I will see round two. I think it's an opportunity for some great new experiences. Also, had a networking interview today with a former agency partner, and continue to be blown away by how kind and helpful people can be.

That's it for now. Time to dig into some Trader Joe's yogurt (79 cents, people!) and hit the ol' GMAT book.

Joy, Agony and Ecstacy...My Own March Madness

A year ago, I got dead last on my NCAA bracket - out of 70 or so people. Yikes. There should almost be a prize for that or something, right? Given my standings in '08 I wasn't wild about the idea of plunking down ten bones (which means a lot more as fixed income days loom) to potentially get last place again for a sport I only care about marginally. However, I was persuaded, and am happy to say I am kicking my boyfriend's ass after the second round. Wee! Now that makes bracketology fun.

So, over the weekend, I watched these college games with one interested eye and kept the other on the people around me. It's fun to see the deeply emotional reactions fans have over the tip of a ball and how they go from complete elation t despair in minutes. I am only this way in the fall and winter (BEAR DOWN!) so it's a nice reminder of the sport-viewing adrenaline rush that is to come.

What is also reminded me of is my own mental state: the phone rings with a random number (ecstasy! Could be a job lead!) and I answer (agony. It's the doctor's office.). And then it rings again, three days later, and this time, it is for an interview for a dream job (joy, elation) and then after I hang up I have a mild buzz going...until I start to panic. What if I don't get this job? What then? Am I really still unemployed? And on and on and on.

There are certainly cycles to being among the laid off. Along with the anticipation, joy, let down, despair and hope cycle, I am experiencing the new job?, MBA?, Master of Communication?, Integrated Marketing Communications? and "screw it" cycle. They are both emotionally exhausting. This latter cycle was heightened by me taking my first computer-driven practice GMAT. Four hours. And these ain't your momma's GMATs. These suckers force you to endure a computer screen glare while solving Wiley problems and writing bologna essays.

I have been in GMAT class for six weeks now, and how much better did I fare on this one from my first attempt? Ten points. Talk about missing the shot at the buzzer. And we all know I am a mental math midget, (say that ten times fast: Melissa is a mental math midget, Melissa is a mental math midget, Melissa is a mental math midget, Melissa is a mental math midget...) but I did poorly on the verbal too. There goes my #1 seed.

So, I am thinking perhaps it is time to re-evaluate my priorities? Maybe this unemployment time is a gift to study with. Ten seconds left on the clock...

Timing is Everything...and Nothing

You know, I started writing this post about the fact that I didn't work as hard as I could to find a new job this week, and how I felt guilty for it. But, you know what? That's kinda boring. So here are some things I am enjoying (enjoying?!?!) yes, enjoying, about being unemployed (and I only feel mildly guilty for them).



1. Sleeping until 8:30. Wow. I have always been a sleep slut, but this is just heavenly.

2. Reconnecting with people I lost touch with (foolishly, mostly).

3. Doing all those things I was too busy for, like going to the dentist and getting my oil changed (still working on the oil bit).

4. Feeling much less guilty not buying Streetwise or ignoring beggars on the street (hey! I'm unemployed!)

5. Being able to enjoy days outside.

6. Wearing lounge clothes all day long... (Tom says unemployed people love wearing ratty clothes).



On the flip side, I have reoccurring dreams about homeless people and serious anxiety about being unemployed, but let's touch on those un-fun topics next time, shall we? I think the lay-off emotional cycle has lots of peaks and valleys. I'll take this peak.



Heading to NYC this weekend, very excited about the change of scenery. When I come back, the re-vamped, re-amped job search continues. Because, let's face it, when push comes to shove, I'm just kind of a working-type girl.

Who ARE Those People?

A few weeks ago (before lay off , or BLO), I was working from home and my roommate Lauren came home from business travel around 3 p.m. The weather was pretty mild (a rare joy in Chicago's February) so we decided to go for a run. Along the lake, the jogging path was packed. Lauren and I wondered "Who are these people that can run in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday?"

Well, after lay off (or ALO), now I know. Now you know. They are then unemployed. Some by choice (cute, stay-at-home moms in designer jogging gear) and some like me, laid off (in old sorority t-shirts and washed-out Old Navy yoga pants). Same thing at the grocery store - midday shoppers not in work attire? Unemployed. Cruising the sale rack at the Gap on a Thursday morning? Unemployed. Drinking Busch Light Wednesday at noon while perusing the Internet? Unemployed. Okay, okay, sometimes they work from home or are taking a personal day. And, like today at the Jewel, there were plenty of people reveling in St. Patrick's Day, (Happy Birthday, brother!)at the grocery to buy beer and whiskey. I'm sure some of them (likely the ones in their first year out of college) took the day off. Others, I am sure, are like me - laid off.

In other news, I had an informational/networking interview today. It went well. Oh, yes, and I realize what a great deal Subway's $5 foot longs are. You can either have lunch and dinner or two days' lunches for $5.53 including tax.

Final note: If you do want to drink Busch Light and peruse the Internet at noon on a Wednesday, here are some humorous places to go:
www.craigslist.com ---Casual encounters is always a riot
http://stuffunemployedpeoplelike.com/ --- Scary because it's true (thanks, Tom)
http://www.fmylife.com/ --- It could always be worse
http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/ --- We've all been there

"You're Good at Being Unemployed!"

Apparently, I am good at being unemployed. I have had at least three people tell me that in the past couple days. It's always good to be good, right? Now, what they don't mean is that I am adept at lolling around watching Tool Academy reruns while spoon-feeding myself peanut butter - though the first couple days that is pretty much all I wanted to do.

I think the "good" they refer to is my aim to make something of my days. Know one person more than I knew the day prior; writing thank you notes to people who have helped me; even writ ting this blog. What I can say is that I'm not a big fan of this whole lay off situation so I am trying pretty hard to change it. Is it lame I have all of my new contacts in an excel spreadsheet? I don't know, you decide.

Interestingly enough, I keep seeing all of these things to be grateful for. For example, I have friend who had been through (and is still going through) this and showed me the way of the laid off (file for unemployment immediately!) and started Laid Off Camp (field trip this week to the Garfield Park Conservatory!). Thanks, Tom! And good pieces of advice are flooding in from every which way - sometimes overwhelming, but always appreciated. A really good reminder came from a family friend last week: Some of the people who you think will help you, won't be much help, but the people you don't know yet will. Thanks, Mr. King!

And let's not forget the simplest thing to be grateful for: it's just me. I have no mortgage, no children, no massive debt or any dependencies. I can be a pretty scrappy individual, so the fight is on.

And now...time for the GMAT homework I have been putting off. Because, even if I am good at being unemployed, I will never be good when it comes to math homework.

Week One - "This Sucks"

I have never been the type to want, for any reason, to be unemployed. I have never had the bug to be a stay-at-home mom, nor marry a millionaire and be a lady who lunches - trust me, I know people who want that very badly. The irony - they are still employed, I am not.

Okay, okay, I know. Enough with the sob story. I decided to start this blog to document this unintentional journey I am taking. The rosy side, according to my high school history teaching friend Skyler: "Ten years from now when this is all over, you will tell your kids about this and say 'That was me! I was laid off!'" Which led me to a great idea for a t-shirt:

Front: I'm a statistic.

Back: Laid off in '09.

Anyway, as everyone knows, the first thing you do when you are laid off is file for unemployment. In Illinois, this can be done pretty easily online, at http://www.ides.state.il.us/. Here's a warning: DO NOT, for any reason, hit the "back" button on your browser. It ain't pretty. Here's another warning: it asks you if you want your taxes withheld from the unemployment money. Say yes. I did not, and will have some fun next April.

All things considered I guess I am ahead of the pack. Thanks to aggressive networking by my former bosses, I actually had an interview on Tuesday. I think it went pretty well - it's a solid opportunity and hope I get a call back from them. We shall see what next week delivers.

So, how am I occupying my time? Aside from job hunting, which I do for about six hours, I:

1. Run

2. Wii fit

3. IM with my other unemployed friends and various colleagues

4. Do GMAT homework (though not as much as I should)

5. Nap

6. Play mom to my roommates

For example, here is Lauren getting ready for a date:

She was late getting home from work so Elizabeth and I picked out clothes, laid them out on the bed, advised on shoes, etc. Lauren was in the door, two sips of wine down, fresh make-up and outfit, teeth brushed and back out for her date in fifteen minutes.

Then I made dinner for Elizabeth and John.

Yep. It's exciting.

Really, in all of this I just hang my hat on a few things:

I have wonderful friends, a great family, a supportive boyfriend and a good professional network. The only other thing I could ask for? A job.

I'll get there.

The First Monday

I find myself unhappily and unintentionally unemployed.

The initial lay off is like a smack in the face, but the reality doesn't land until a few days later. Being the emotional buffoon I am, this first Monday sans commute (though it was an hour-plus long, traffic-ridden, pothole-dodging nightmare) feels a bit awful. Though I began the day bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, reality has quickly descended and I find myself a bit under the happy-par.