Sunday Night/Monday Morning

First, some cool things:

1. At Callie's wedding (most radiant, happy bride ever!) this weekend, I learned a lot of people, including people I never imagined, are reading my blog (hi! thanks!). Keep it up, pass it on and become followers (I think there is a link to the right), because then it just looks cooler AND I can become ad supported, which, you know, is good. No pressure, though - neither my mother nor boyfriend are followers.



2. I did my taxes last night and I am getting a refund large enough to support me for a month! Well, perhaps support is a strong word. It's enough to keep me afloat. Well, afloat provided I don't really leave the house or make any purchases besides shampoo, bread and water.
   

Anyway, on to today's topic...wait...

You know what just happened? Literally as I typed this, I had a call on my phone, just numbers, not a saved contact, and my heart began to flutter! "This is it," I thought. "Suburban company #1 is calling for a second round interview!" I answer excitedly (professional sounding, but with a smile in my voice): "This is Melissa..." The response: "Oh, wrong number." Click. There's an air ball for you. My bracket is shot, by the way; I don't know why I always put Xavier in my final four. Grr. But, I digress.

So I try to remain positive at all times and I am successfully proactive most of the time, but there is something about Sunday nights and Monday mornings. I think it's pretty similar to what people who have to go to work feel; that mild sadness the weekend is over, a touch of anxiety about a project running behind schedule, and the smallest bit of dread for the alarm sounding at 5:30 a.m.

Well, I get that too. But it's because I have no job to go to. I feel a mild sadness that I am not an actively contributing member of society. I get more than a touch of anxiety over my future and all its potential paths (or breakdowns). I feel a ton of dread over doing math problems or receiving a call saying "Thanks, but no thanks." Sometimes it all feels very heavy. Yesterday afternoon, even after a very productive morning, I felt nearly paralyzed. I think I know where is came from, but that was irrelevant. Action is the only way out of that slump.

So, I kicked my ass off the couch, slapped myself around a bit. Pity parties and anxiety attacks really aren't going to land me a job or admission to grad school. Went for a workout to burn off the negativity, ate a healthy broccoli snack to fuel my mind and headed to the library (oh, there are some CHARACTERS there...but I'll save that for another time), and took a practice GMAT. My scores creep upward. Seriously, creep.

Unemployment is like a dysfunctional relationship. Or a March Madness game. Highs and lows. It's easy to get comfortable being lazy or feeling like a victim, but that's not what will pull you out of the stink.